I wish I could see,
but not too much.
Not too much bills-I-
Just enough to feel okay down deep below,
where the knots swim; anxiety,
and the glances once taken which can’t be undone- GOD!
Dear God, there’s no rewind button
back button erase or mute button.
Give me a button
please, What is that thing there?! I don’t want to see.
Don’t want to know. I don’t know what to do with it.
Fear the worst, flex imagination. Oh God! Oh God.
Oh God I’m afraid of the mailbox, these days.
What a load of stuff to carry from mailbox to trash canister.
Is it one month? Two? Three? Three months of mail from
mailbox to trash canister – carried with eyes lifted
upwards and away. The bin’s lid opens and I:
lean back, close eyes, let go, but again
there are no brother sister arms to catch me.
Please God, please God, please God, why?
Why do they call it faith?